whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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