I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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