I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
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Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
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PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize