The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize