I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
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It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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