I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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