He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
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Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
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Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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