I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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