i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
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I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
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I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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