guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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