I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
