eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize