It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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