At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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