Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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