Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
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I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
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I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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