You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize