It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize