A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
try to milk me bitch
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