i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
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