this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dignity is for republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize