THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
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It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
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He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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