considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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