you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
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No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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