wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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