Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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