Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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