i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize