I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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