Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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