i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize