I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You ruined the universe
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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