We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
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HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
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He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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