i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We need to rekindle our bromance
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
jump out the window naked night went bad
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