So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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