he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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