that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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