She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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