I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize