Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
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I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I had to cum in my sink.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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