We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
