remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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