can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize