what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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