that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
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Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
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It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize