There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
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Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
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omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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