i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
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He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
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Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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