We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
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Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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