The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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