I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize